Just a moment....

Marriage has its difficult moments, I won't lie about that.

Life gets insanely busy, there are things to do and demands on our time and it seems like we can't get everything done.

Sometimes it seems like the romance has gone the way of the earth.

Lately I find myself missing that first year when Jeff and I were married and it was just us. Our time in New York was a treasured and priceless blessing. Just us, no family, no friends from home and nothing familiar. We started out our marriage JUST US. And it provided an excellent foundation for us that we draw strength from often.

(Us in New York, letting our nerd flags fly)

These days are much different than those days, but equally blessed in a different way. The struggles are different. Jeff is gone a lot due to working on his phd and trying to graduate as Dr. Johnson. He's chasing his dreams, and chasing a better life for our family. I do my best to support him, because I want that for him. Some days that is super easy and other days not so much. But totally worth it.

I find myself envying those still in the honeymoon phase of marriage. We just don't have a lot of time for the honeymoon stage right now. Everything seems like the proverbial race against the clock. Everything.

I find myself struggling with self image more than I ever have before. I'm significantly heavier than I was when we first got engaged. The heaviest I have ever been (non-pregnant) as a matter of fact.

(I definitely do not look like this anymore!)

Weight loss is a constant battle for me, and I find it hard to believe that he would find me attractive since I don't find myself attractive right now. I fight a constant life battle of vanity vs. estremely low self esteem and the pendulum is stuck right now in the low self esteem side. Rarely in the healthy middle.

When sleep is short and time is shorter, I get snippy, and I get hurt when he falls asleep in the middle of a conversation, poor guy. You'd think I would be more understanding, given that he only gets 3-4 hours of sleep on a good night.

The statistics say that approximately 40% of married grad students are divorced by the time they graduate. A person never gets a phd on his/her own when they are married. Life can get extremely stressful. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Even though at times it's hard.

However, I've been thinking lately, how many women out there crave what I have? I am so blessed, so lucky that such a man chose me and chooses me still every day even with all of my short comings. I joined weight watchers again. He never says "That didn't work the other two times you tried it, why would it work now?" Instead he supports me and tells me that he hopes I am doing it for myself and not for him, as he thinks I look amazing and loves me just the way I am.

How many women wish that they had someone who supported them and loved them the way that he does for me? Every day he tells me I am beautiful. I am so lucky!

And I am so blessed to be married to someone with ambition and goals, who isn't lazy on the couch every day and who is always seeking to better himself for our family, and for the Lord.

He is so patient, and loving. He has NEVER raised his voice in anger to me. Not once. We have our disagreements like everyone else of course, but he has never yelled at me or insulted me or asked me to change. He knew my imperfections when he married me, and he was okay with them.

And he is always such a wonderful father, and makes so many sacrifices for me and our kids. This is a man who truly understands the concept of honoring his priesthood, and loving his wife with pure, Christlike love. He has never been anything to me but completely and totally sincere. I am so so soooo blessed and lucky. He is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, no one is and he has his faults like everyone else. But he is perfect for me. Thank goodness that there is always a chance to improve oneself and ones life and relationships. Thank goodness we don't ever have to be stuck. I'm so grateful that I have Jeffrey there with me, always my companion, always my biggest supporter, always my confidante, always my husband, always my friend. He is the Peter to my Walter (sorry for the obscure reference) And I hope that I am as good a wife to him as he is as husband to me.

Thanks for indulging me, I have been a little self centered as of late, and felt the need to type it out a bit. There is something very therapeutic about writing.