It's been 4 years since Kelli's Tom died. It seems like a different lifetime - someone else's lifetime, certainly not hers or ours....everything is so different without him around. He was funny, and good to us. The person we knew was not the person he was when he died. I think God knows.There is just no way to ever know the imprint you make on someone's life - how the choices you make will impact someone else - and the choices they will make.
I remember when Tom told me he was losing his testimony. We were shopping for car parts. We talked about spiritual things a lot.
I wanted to help. I didn't know what to say. Down down he spiraled. I felt so responsible. Sometimes I still do.
He said he was depressed. No one could fix it. It left a stain.
4 comments:
Kim, we came across your blog from Tina Hansen's. We knew you from the MCC ward. Do you remember us? We remember you sang a lot, are you still singing??? Just popping in to say HI!!This is cool to see you! We saw you visited Germany, that's where we are right now with the Air Force. Why Dresden? I went there last Christmas for the Christmas market.
The hardest part about how Tom died is he left us with so many questions and all of us doubting and wondering if we were responsible in some way. Even though logically we all know that is not the case, we still can't help feeling that way. None of us are responsible in any way. He made the choice, although his mind wasn't in the right place when he did and because of that I know that God will be merciful. I am so sorry that we all lost him. Sometimes in my own selfish grief, I forget that there are other people who are suffering and missing him too. Thank you so much for everything. I love you!
I remember you telling me about that horrible time for Kelly when Tom died. :( And, the hanger story is very fun! Hey, the Good Egg with Amy is a DATE! You're on! a presto! (until soon)
We can't be responsible for our brains when they go out of control. I expressed a concern to my mother-in-law one time saying, "How am I going to know I'm dead, when I die? I might think I'm having a psychotic episode!" She laughed. I was serious! We do not know what is happening to our loved ones, when these things happen. All I know is I have felt out of control and everything happening in my mind was real to me. Our brains are amazing! It fascinates me now, but at one time it was terrifying. Some things are just out of our control. Heavenly Father helps all of us. We are his children. We don't understand all things as He does. Love you lots!
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